It’s been just over a year since I left the busy world of working full time in commercial architecture. In that time I swapped the long commute and 50 hour weeks for a part-time job working with people with disabilities and doing small freelance design and art projects on the side. The motivation behind this big life change was to give me more time to do the things that I enjoy, but also space to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. At the time, I saw my part-time job as a filler until I found my new career direction, but now I’m considering it more of a permanent fixture in my life, because it is meaningful work and allows me to live at a slower pace.
Being rushed all the time makes us feel trapped
For most of us, working full-time in a job we tolerate isn’t so much a choice, it’s because often there isn’t the option of going part-time unless we have kids, or we’re not taken seriously by the company we work for if we aren’t a full timer. In the last twenty years, things have been speeding up. Modern technology has sped up production, which in theory should give us more time, but somehow we are busier than ever. We run about like headless chickens, often just trying to get through to the weekend or our next holiday. We wish away our days because so many of us feel like there’s no choice but to work long hours in a job we don’t love. We might feel trapped because we’re saving for a house, paying a mortgage or simply making ends meet. For others, it’s because they need to keep climbing the career ladder to maintain their ‘status’ in society to be regarded as ‘successful’ and so feel ‘someone’. They live under the lie that they’ll start enjoying their life when x happens.
This is because the story our society tells us is that status is a reflection of how hard we’ve worked, of how much we’ve produced. What people don’t always realise is this story is propagated by a system based on exponential growth. The world has long surpassed providing for peoples basic needs, but for the system to keep going, production has to increase. There are those who are still living in poverty, but this is more to do with poor distribution rather than there not being enough to go around. The thing is, even though we’ve got our needs met, this frenetic world we’re living in is causing more and more of us to have mental health issues which is reflected by the soaring suicide rates. Something has to change and that starts with us.
My story
In my line of work, we didn’t have enough time because of developers placing unrealistic demands on the architects. In the world of business, time=money, so there was little time for design exploration. In the eyes of the developer a building is a product with purely monetary value. As a result of this, I met a lot of people in the industry didn’t have time for their families, people reliant on sleeping pills, singles who were too busy to meet someone, or those, like myself just generally run ragged by unrealistic demands.
On the outside, working as a professional architect, in a well-regarded practice, with double distinctions from a world-class university, my ‘status’ was pretty good. The only problem was I felt so rushed I didn’t have time for much else. My relationship with my partner was strained, as I was often stressed out. The weeks were a write off for anything other than work and at the weekends, once chores had been done and friendships maintained, there wasn’t much time left over to relax. Sundays saw the creeping in of worries and to-do lists for the coming week ahead and I genuinely felt trapped. I wanted to do more art, yoga, walking, meditation but there simply wasn’t the time, and when I did do these things I wasn’t always present anyway. I had become a slave to the schedule. My weeks were being wished away for the weekends and holidays which were always too short.
The problem with how we measure success
It was obvious there was a problem with how we measure success. What was the point in devoting my life to this ‘career’ if it was causing me anxiety and sucking up all my time – not to mention the damage it was doing to my health. After all, if we’re being honest time is true wealth, because time is life itself.
It was a conversation with a friend/mentor (who I met whilst volunteering) who asked me to think about how it would feel if I didn’t have to keep going in that career path. As I imagined how I would feel, my whole body began to feel lighter and a weight seemed to lift off my shoulders. It turned out all I needed was permission to leave. It felt good to speak to someone who saw beyond the narrow accepted path of ‘success’ that most people conform to. I wasn’t sure what to do next, but I knew I needed peace and the freedom that would bring.
Slowing down is harder than you might think
Getting more time back hasn’t automatically brought me peace. A decade of being over-worked and bogged down with a to-do list had trained my brain to always be looking for new things to do. Even with a much lighter schedule, I have repeatedly fallen into the trap of taking on more – more hobbies, friends, projects you name it. The lie that by being unproductive I’m somehow not living up to my potential had been baked into my psyche and even to this day, is hard to shake off. Combine this with a personality type that likes to be busy and craves new experiences, and it’s easy to see why I keep falling into the trap over over-committing. I had been told that I would amount to ‘great things’, and the need to fulfil this expectation had run deep. Despite having a part time job which I love (disability support worker) I still feel the urge to use my gifts and do something ‘big’ and make the most of my life. In the last year, I’ve opened a successful Etsy shop selling architectural illustrations and taken on several freelance design/drafting projects, all while trying to maintain fitness and volunteering regularly for a suicide prevention service.
At the same time, I have been learning more and more about spirituality, but I began to realise that this had become another thing I was consuming, like all the other activities. I had become addicted to podcasts, YouTube videos, in the same way I was addicted to constant activity. The ironic thing was, the teachings I was consuming almost unanimously placed a lot of importance on non-doing, on slowing down in order to ‘wake-up’.
Why do we need to slow down?
First and foremost, slowing down is better for our health. Small amounts of stress that don’t linger for too long are beneficial and show we care about things. It can be the boost we need to get out of bed and complete a project. However, when stress becomes chronic, then our sympathetic nervous system becomes worn out with constantly producing the stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisone. Over time our bodies can become addicted to these hormones and we produce it more easily and it becomes harder to enter into the rest state known as the parasympathetic nervous system. We can only truly focus when we’re in the rest state. When we’re in the fight or flight state, we’re more likely to be scattered, confused and reactive towards situations that arise. Being in this state long-term has also been linked with higher levels of inflammation and a weakened immune system, which can make us susceptible to all sorts of health problems. Rushing around from appointment to appointment can feel like we’re being productive, giving us a certain buzz, but it can lead to stress when we don’t have time to decompress and wind down. Eventually our bodies will force us to stop, but this can be very destructive and it’s better if we can intervene before we get to this point.
Slowing down helps us be mindful
A lot of the teachings talk about mindfulness, ie. being here now in the present moment. This is something we hear all the time, but can be meaningless if we don’t really understand what it looks like in our lives. In fact, mindfulness is the number one lesson of spirituality. It’s about being truly present to the person you’re talking to, rather than just thinking about yourself. It’s about truly tasting, smelling, feeling and seeing what’s around us. We get so caught up in our thoughts, so attached to thinking about what to do next, how to resolve a certain situation, that we forget to enjoy right now. It’s easy to see how we end up in our heads so much, when most of us place so much importance on becoming ‘someone’. What spirituality teaches us, is that we’re already someone by virtue of just being. We’re loved unconditionally before we’re even born into this body as this person. We don’t need to do anything. Buddhist teachings, and even some of the apocalypse teachings from Revelations are best interpreted as becoming aware of the temporal nature of all things. Everything passes away. A good question to ask yourself is, ‘How important is it? Will this still matter in 100 years time?’ The answer is usually always ‘no’. We will die, regardless of whether we achieved this or that, or solved a certain problem. All that really exists is the present moment.
Slowing down to ponder the beauty
Slowing down helps us see the beauty of the world around us. Unlike a lot of modern man-made things which are mass produced and utilitarian, in nature many things like flowers and trees, go above and beyond mere utility. They don’t need to be that colourful, that beautiful, they just are. In the same way, true love, known as ‘agape’ in the Bible, means total unconditional love. We don’t need to do anything other than just be us. No matter what we’re going through in our lives, pondering the beauty of nature is free for us all to enjoy. There is a certain goodness and wholeness in nature, which we are part of. Next time we take a walk, why not listen to the noises of the forest, feel the plants and smell the air? Instead of rushing to our destination, take it slow. If we fully embrace the experience, there’s a healing power in nature; something about it helps us to put things into perspective, we realise that amidst the chaos it’s all going to be OK in the end.
Slowing down to let go
Sometimes we grasp onto things because it gives us a sense of control – we try and have everything worked out in our heads because otherwise it all just feels too unpredictable. The truth is, once we let go we open ourselves up to enjoying the present moment, we can experience true peace and contentment. When we let go, we can enter into meditative states much more easily. It is often when the thinking mind has let go, that we experience intuitions which give us clarity about what we should do, or answers to problems. We don’t need to strive, we just need to let go and life will often give us the answers in it’s own time.
Slowing down helps us focus
By doing and achieving a lot, we get a certain buzz, which can be addictive, but if we’re being honest with ourselves it can feel like we’re skimming over the surface of life. When there is a hole in our lives, our natural desire is to fill that hole but instead of giving ourselves what we really need, we’re wired to consume more. This is another reason for our world’s over-consumption. Contented people don’t need much because they’re rich in the things that don’t have a monetary value – relationships, meaning and purpose, and spirituality. The only way to cultivate such depth in our lives is through focusing on the things that matter. This means not saying yes to everything, but being selective about what we commit to, and who we spend time with.
Focus also means doing only one thing at a time and being present to whatever or whoever we’re engaging with. If when we’re with someone, we’re looking at our phone or thinking about what we’re going to say next, then we might have met that person, but not on a deep level. When we’re calmer, our relationships flow much more easily and reach deeper levels. If we’re trying to work on a project, but thinking about what we’re meant to be doing tomorrow, then we’re only engaging a small part of our attention so we won’t perform as well or improve. Our brains can only make new neural networks if we fully focus on the task at hand. Multitasking is a false economy because both tasks are done poorly and take longer to complete.
Patience
We’ve become accustomed to instant gratification – technology and the speed of modern life has made us impatient – for everything. We want the good stuff without putting in the hard work. True self-actualisation usually takes a long time with many set-backs and lots of consistent focused attention. Nowadays, the way our brains have become wired mean that if things don’t work out straight away then we feel despair. Slowing down means practicing patience. The thing that you’re here to do might not happen straight away. All the ‘wrong’ turns might actually be leading us the right way, because it’s all a journey. Slowing down teaches us to allow our purpose to unfold in our lives, by reflecting on things and thinking about what we might have done differently, instead of making impulsive decisions, or trying to control life so we don’t have to feel the pain that comes with growth. Patience also means being patient with our friends and families, of not always filling silences or finishing peoples sentences. It also means patiently sitting with people in their pain rather than trying to fix them.
Slowing down helps us to see the truth of things
When we’re constantly on the go, meditation/prayer/contemplative practices can go out the window as they doesn’t seem as important as life’s other demands. But the truth is that spending time not doing anything and just being, allows us to grow spiritually if we’re open to it. It’s very unlikely that we’re going to have any spiritual awakenings if we’re anxiously rushing about. To live life on a deeper level we have to make time for doing nothing. Getting to the point of becoming aware of our awareness – the true ‘you’ rarely happens over-night. But when it does happen, it can have profound effects on our lives. The first thing to go, is the illusion that we’re merely brains and bodies. There is an ‘I’ that exists beyond this realm, which can’t be damaged by the happenings of this life. This profound realisation opens us up to enter into a higher frequency of living, where we are no longer slaves to our thoughts and emotions.
What can we do to slow down in such busy times?
Slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean everyone has to leave their careers and do a part-time job. I realise how lucky I was to be able to make the move – although I would add that many people can live on a lot less than what they think they need, if they simplify their lifestyle. Everyone has different personalities and optimum levels of activity. However, I would argue that even the most extroverted, type A personalities would benefit from slowing down to a certain extent.
Here are some simple things that have helped me to slow down, both physically and mentally:
Relaxation techniques
Breath: When you start feeling frazzled and scattered stop and breath in through your nose slowly and out through your mouth counting as you do it. https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-relief-breathing-techniques
Tapping technique: Tapping through your meridian points has been proven to release anxiety by sending a calming signal to the brain, letting your brain know it’s safe to relax.
https://www.thetappingsolution.com/tapping-101/
Disconnect from technology
Have some time each day which is free from phones or laptops so you’re not contactable. Not only does this lay down some healthy boundaries, it gives us chance to fully relax, rather than being at the mercy of responding to messages and emails which can be very draining. When we’re spending time with people, put your phone away and on silent. Pretty obvious stuff but it can really help us focus.
Choose to spend some quiet time in nature
Instead of visiting the mall and buying more things you don’t really need, try going on a bush walk and being quiet for the majority of the walk. Often we feel like we have to fill all the silences with chatter, which means we miss so much of what’s around us. Having some quiet time in nature can benefit our health and sense of overall well being. Nature can give us a sense of perspective and make us aware of how ‘in our heads’ we’ve been.
Make some regular time in your schedule for doing nothing
Make some time for doing nothing. For many of us, this feels like a waste of time, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Our outer lives are very much a reflection of our inner lives. If we only live outwardly and never take the time to go inside, we are living life on a shallow dimension and will be missing the richness that comes with getting to know our authentic self. Depending on personality type, religious or spiritual tradition, this ‘going inside’ might look different for different people. For the past year or so, I’ve been doing mindfulness meditation, but am now learning about ‘Centering Prayer’, which is is a very simple method for reconnecting us with that natural aptitude for the inner life…which, over time, of its own accord, leads to personal self-emptying and a more unitive outer life. – Cynthia Bourgeault
De-clutter your life
The more we bring into our lives, the more responsibilities we have and the less time we have for the things that matter. If we over-stretch ourselves financially then we’re always going to feel a slave to work, or if we have too many friends we’ll spread ourselves too thinly and never get time for ourselves, plus the friendships might be shallower. The same applies for our homes – only buy things that will hold meaning for us. For me this has meant cutting down on my commitments, the number of art commissions I accept, delegating work to others and reducing the hours in my part-time job.
Reduce your to-do list
If you’re anything like me, you’ll have an extensive to do list which is rarely realistic or doable. Try cutting it down to three things to do in the day. Often things don’t need to be done as fast as we think, plus we’ll end up doing the things we do do, to a higher standard. By having breaks between the tasks, we’ll have much more energy for our relationships and won’t be a burnt out mess at the end of the day.
Change your job
This isn’t one for everyone, but for some people this can be life-changing. It’s hard to slow down when we have to work full time in a job that is mentally draining, or not congruent with our values. It can be very hard to do, especially if we’ve been there a long time but sometimes we have to change the big stuff in our lives to allow space for recovery, healing and new things to take root.
Cut down your hours
Many people believe that working part-time will mean they will be passed over for promotion, or they worry that they won’t be able to manage financially. The truth is, getting to the top of the career ladder can often come with a lot more stress and responsibility, and many managers report feelings of depression because they’re no longer doing the job they love, but managing others who do it. Millennials have been practically brainwashed into believing that career success and wealth generation are they keys to a happy life. The numbers of young people reporting mental health issues is staggering. The benefits of working part time can often outweigh any of the climbing the ladder. For one, you have time to start a side-hustle, time for yourself, and you never get too affected by the politics of the workplace. Working part-time allows for studying and learning about other things, giving us a broader, richer experience of life, rather than doing the same thing day in, day out. Having days off in the week also helps us have quiet time when we’re not booked up with social engagements.
In terms of the financial impact, for the benefits it will bring to health and wellbeing, the loss if money is a small price to pay. Usually, we can cut back on meals out, expensive clothes, gadgets or makeup. Self care doesn’t always mean getting a massage or a facial, it can be just a rewarding to take a swim in the ocean or do some solo-yoga outside. When we’re happier, we have less need to spend as much. Once we step out of the rat race, we no longer need to strive towards big things like owning our own 4 bedroom house with a garden to validate the long years of toiling in a job we dislike. We’re happy enough with our little apartment – there’s less housework for one thing!
Ultimately, slowing down is about creating more balance in our lives. Most of us know deep down what we really need, we just have to block out the other voices which are telling us to do more and speed up. Slowing down isn’t about being lazy, it’s about focusing on what’s really meaningful for us, and enjoying the beauty of each day. It’s no wonder that some of the happiest cultures on earth are those in ‘developing’ nations. Their people seem to spend a lot more time in play, ceremony and community compared to the over-worked stressed out people of ‘developed’ nations. Imagine how the world could change if we started placing more value on how we treat ourselves and others, on how present we are, rather than how much we produce, consume or achieve?
