Over the last 18 months, I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster ride – not because of what’s happened to me, but simply from becoming aware of how perilious our situation on planet earth has become.
I became aware of the convergence of crisis, from pandemics, industrial agriculture, soil erosion, loss of biodiversity, deforestation, threat of nuclear war, an unfair and unsustainable economic system, social polarisation, increasing centralised power, third world debt, worsening mental health, loneliness, work dissatisfaction, unaffordable housing, plastic waste, pollution, insect apocalypse, the war in Ukraine, to famines and increasing natural disasters around globe. But the thing which disturbed me most was the plethora of evidence which pointed towards near-term collapse due to climate change.
Fears of climate catastrophe caused me existential dread
Even though what I was reading – essentially that we could be nearing an end of sorts – was shocking, it rang true. I basically learned that due to feedback loops and tipping points, climate change is speeding up and unless there are drastic and immediate changes, will have catastrophic consequences for our planet. I discovered how billions of people would likely be displaced and killed from famines, water shortages and natural disasters increasing the likelyhood of conflicts, with sea level rises wiping many major cities off the map. In short, threatening the continuation of our civilation. Even mainstream scientific reports like the IPCC painted a very grim, almost apocalyptic picture, so how could I not take this stuff seriously?
Waking up to the magnitude of the problems in the world, I went through a whole range of emotions. The last time I wrote, I was feeling overwhelmed and in a state of despair. Covid lockdowns, months of relentless rain, being in a transition stage on the other side of the globe from close family and friends, had obviously contributed, but mainly it was down to the existential dread I was feeling about the future.
I had started to feel like I was the only one who knew what was going on in my social circle. I would think to myself, ‘scientists are unanimously agreeing that humans are destroying the environment and people are just carrying on as if nothings wrong?’
I started noticing the frequent extreme weather events happening all around the world, and the flooding in my own city which further confirmed my position. I started noticing how much packaging gets thrown away, how much people drive everywhere, and yet being enmeshed in this system, there was little I could do to individually.
Doomsday thinking can be attractive at first
In some ways, accepting that it was all going down the pan soon anyway helped me cope with observing the degradation of our beautiful planet, I could let go because our fate was baked in and there was nothing I could do to stop it – tipping points and ‘runaway’ climate change would inevitably cause a ‘collapse’ according to the rhetoric of the doomsdayers. It wasn’t all bad, as in a weird way it helped me to have peace about my career confusion.
Before, I felt I had to do something really meaningful with my life, at least something which would help in some way which was a lot of pressure. I had felt that art and illustration – the thing I’m most naturally talented at and experienced in, wasn’t ‘serious’ enough in solving the worlds problems. I’d done courses in life coaching, counselling, disability, and freelance writing but none of them felt completely right. I had felt lost.
But there was some respite from the struggle to figure things out if things were coming to an end, which might have been a subconscious reason I was wrapped up in it for several months. It also came quite naturally under this way of thinking that any plans to start a family should also be abandoned or at least put on hold. Initially this felt quite liberating – we could use our resources for travel, volunteering, doing what we wanted without the worry of how our child would fare in a dying world. I didn’t need to worry any more about finding a new, more meaningful career. Yet as time went on, I began to lose motivation for art and illustration business – something which I had regarded as fun and not work. There was no point in that either.
After a few months of inhabiting this world-view, I had started to feel quite empty and isolated. I knew it wasn’t good to be affected by some future predictions, but believing them to be true there was nothing I could do to change how I felt. I started to wish I had never discovered the ‘truth’.
Questioning whether this is really our destiny
I didn’t like living with the belief that it was too late to do anything, that the remainder of my lifetime and any potential future child’s life would suffer crisis after crisis. As I’d become quite depressed by this stuff, I had to be sure, because it was beginning to affect some of my life decisions like whether to start a family and where to live.
So I took some time to read the other side of the climate debate. Basically it played down the negative affects of climate change, because it’ll happen gradually and we’ll be able to adapt. I fact checked some of the claims made by the ‘doomsdayer’ side of the debate which I’d aligned with, and found out that some of their claims like ice caps melting by 2015 hadn’t happened. This highlighted to me that scientific predictions can’t always been relied on, since there is so much about the way the systems of the earth operate that we just don’t understand. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the end of my existential crisis. It got me thinking well would everything be OK if we could live with climate change, and in my heart I knew the answer: No.
Climate change just another symptom of a more pervasive root cause
From looking at both sides, what seemed obvious was that environmental activism seemed to have been overtaken by climate change. The conversation, which once encompassed conservation and restoration of the biosphere had been reduced to CO2 levels and temperature increase.
Why was noone talking about the root cause, because even if the problem of climate change is solved, then what about all the other inter-related crisis? Is there a common root cause?
Whilst the doomsdayers might be stretching the science a bit far in terms of near term climate runaway and collapse, they did have one thing right. The root cause, and the fact that it basically underwrites almost everything in our civilisation. The reason they’re so dead certain on collapse is because they’ve understood that virtually everything in our culture is unsustainable and that by merely trying to address a symptom, the whole effort is flawed. They also understand that truly tackling the root cause, would mean a complete dismantling of our culture, and a complete overhaul of human values, which understandably they can’t see happening anytime soon.
What is the root cause?
The underlying issue has been our civilations failure to understand that Earth is a living being with interconnected organs. When we damage and destroy her organs, the forests, wetlands, soil, oceans and atmosphere, we put stress on the Whole, causing a host of symptoms such as climate change.
What’s clear is that by only focussing on climate change and reducing CO2, we risk missing the root cause – which is the story that we are separate from nature and from each other and that nature is a resource to be used. Perhaps the most problematic manifestation of this old, false story, is our economic system – late stage Capitalism, which has come to dominate almost everything in our lives.
Because the converging, inter-related crisis we’re facing are so inextricably linked to this economic system, there is no quick fix, no easy solution. As soon as we solve one problem, there will just be another one pop up because we’ve not addressed what’s causing them in the first place.
How did I go from realising how f***** we are to seeing a more positive future?
On realising how messed up the whole thing truly is, it’s not surprising that the obvious conclusion many people come to is extinction and collapse or others will hang all their hopes on technology to save us. The former was my natural conclusion, which led me through a whole host of emotions from shock, anxiety, despair to apathy and loneliness.
It was a trip back to the UK which reignited my spark. Six weeks of quality time with friends and family and exploring new places after years of lockdowns and being apart, made me feel like myself again. I felt safe, and most of all I felt I belonged. Something within me was re-awoken, the same childish excitement, joy and awe at all the wonderful opportunities that lay ahead. I remembered how life can be, and what matters most.
And you might say, well of course you’d feel like that – you’re on holiday it’s not real life. Everyone’s got time for you when you’re back from Australia, in day to day life you wouldn’t feel like that.
But the feeling I got, is the same feeling I used to get when I was younger, playing in the park, hiking somewhere beautiful, or dancing at a gig.
At first, it felt strange trying to reconcile these joyful times with the ‘knowledge’ that I held about the fate of humanity and how messed up everything is. It was much easier to hold these ideas when feeling unchallenged and socially disconnected in rainy Sydney, (yes it’s been worse than the UK by far!) but it intuitively felt wrong to carry on with the idea that the world was going to be too dangerous to bring a child into. Somehow, it made me realise that as long as you have community, where you can laugh at the bad stuff, it’s going to be OK whatever happens.
Being happy has little to do with money
Being home, with time to spend with friends and family exploring places, also made me reflect on how humans don’t need much to be happy. We don’t need to go on luxury foreign holidays, live in huge, stylish houses, drive big SUVs and earn a 6 figure salary to feel what I felt.
Once we’ve got our basic needs met, how much fun can we have with the simple things – painting, playing cricket in the park, holding a baby, listening to your favourite song, going for a trail run, reading a good book by the fire, playing monopoly with your kids, baking a cake, cuddling your spouse, enjoying a home cooked meal with friends, swimming in the ocean, gardening or riding your bike? We don’t need much money for any of these things really. Work can even be fun, when we care about what we do because it feels meaningful and we’re using our gifts. As the people wake up to the true cause of much of our suffering, I believe they will see there is so much happiness to be had.
The current world view values utility over quality
When we’re not stressed out, or depressed, we can enjoy all these things so much more. So much of life nowadays has been made to feel pointless if it’s not making you more money. Everything has become about utility. But true wealth comes from enjoying the simple pleasures in life, without constantly looking at your clock.
When I inhabited the old worldview, life had started to feel meaningless and hollow in the face of climate catastrophe. What’s the point in painting if it isn’t helping to fight climate change?
However, seeing with fresh eyes, I began to see how my former ‘means justified by the ends’ way of thinking was not helpful. In fact it’s the very same way of thinking which has ‘validated’ much wrong-doing throughout history
We have to ask ourselves: what is life for if not these simple things? It’s exactly because we’ve forgotten what makes life worth living that we’ve got into this whole mess in the first place, so any movement that doesn’t prioritise slowing-down, connecting with others, and having fun is running on the same energy as what caused the problem in the first place and is bound to fail.
Old wounds were affecting how I saw the future
The decisions I’d made about where to live, what job to do and whether to start a family had been based on fear of what could go wrong. This might be because I’ve experienced being let down in the past (as have most people) and so it’s a form of self-preservation.
Choosing to align with my intuitive sense that things can change for the better requires letting go of old wounds. To see that a more beautiful world is possible, requires dropping the old ways of seeing, and having faith that something bigger than us is working for our good.
Are things really getting better?
One of the main things holding people back from having the understanding that I came to, is a lack of awareness about whats going on. Most people are too busy to spend time thinking about the bigger picture, and do the necessary research to come to an informed conclusion about the true state of affairs. Many people simply trust the mainstream narrative that things are a lot better for us nowadays than they were 50 years ago. My mum is one of those people, but it’s not surprising given that in her childhood memories she was always cold, food was dull, money was in short supply and attitudes were conservative.
So in an objective sense, yes things are better now – in the developed west and parts of Asia at least. We have all the gadgets to make our lives so much easier, and all the food we could ever want. But it would be narrow minded to ignore the true cost of this convenience and luxury, to the planet and to other animals and humans. Most people have a subconscious awareness that something is seriously wrong, but push it down by looking at all the stuff we’ve got nowadays, convincing themselves that technology has the answers to our problems. They don’t question whether we could avoid many of the problems in the first place, because they assume that humans are selfish and greedy by nature, it’s just the way things are and how things have always been.
Is this really all we’re here for?
If we think that humanity is a parasite, then the only way we can continue this ‘ascent’ is through more force and control, after all we humans can’t be trusted. However, this would be to ignore the indigenous cultures who lived in harmony with nature, or the love, creativity and solidarity which often shows up in times of crisis.
Instead could it be that the system of control and dominance which underpins our culture might encourage, cause and celebrate some of the less desirable human traits like greed, a scarcity mindset, and competition? It doesn’t allow us to flourish, to reach our potential.
Surely we didn’t come here, with our exceptional problem-solving skills, our moral intuition and cooperation, to wreak havoc, destroy ourselves and the beautiful planet we live on in the process? Are we completely different to all the other species who serve a purpose larger than themselves?
One answer is maybe we’re not at end point, but we’re still evolving. Our amazing gifts and skills need to be realigned in the service of Love. We’re not at the end, we’re at a cross roads as to whether that evolution continues or not.
Evolutionary crossroads not an end point
I have found it helpful to reframe the growing consensus that humans have made a big mistake with western civilisation, instead by seeing our current situation as an inevitable culmination of a domino effect. We don’t have to hate ourselves for the destruction we’ve caused – much of it has been done with good, albeit misguided, intentions. The birth of agriculture set up our path, where one development has led to the next. The enlightenment led to the industrial revolution, which in turn led to globalisation and free market capitalism, which has paved the way for the digital age and big tech.
We’ve created a modern day Tower of Babylon
It’s no wonder that we find ourselves at a point in history where we threaten our own survival. In a world where we’re just a random collection of particles, discreet, separate entities then what’s the problem with controlling and pillaging the earth to suit our own desires? If we’re just flesh and blood then that emptiness we’re feeling calls for more comfort, more luxury, more stuff, more drugs, more video games, more power.
From a mythical perspective, we’ve created a modern day ‘Tower of Babylon’. Initially the rejection of the sacred, of the metaphysical, served a purpose: It allowed for the development of all the amazing inventions, modern medicine and technology which has undoubtedly helped us in many ways. But with no mythical God to serve, humans created technology in service of a new God – money.
What if we threw the baby out with the bathwater?
The problem is, more material wealth isn’t what we truly need. What we really need is real nourishment of the soul. Once we see that we’re spiritual beings, we see that our true needs are less quantitative and more qualitive; love and connection with people we care about, being connected to nature, having meaningful work, and using our talents in service of something bigger than ourselves. We have tried to satisfy our spiritual needs with finite, material things because we forgot who we were. But if we add any more to the tower, it’s going to fall down.
If humans don’t dramatically change in the next few decades (and I’m not just talking in terms of carbon here!) then we can say goodbye to a better future. Yes, theoretically we might be able to continue living in an altered climate on a half-dead planet. But what kind of world would we be living in? Is a future where we’re immersed in the Metaverse, eating synthetic food, insulated in our individual bubbles away from nature, a world that’s even worth saving?
A Miracle is needed for a better, more beautiful world
In some ways, to truly keep the door open for a better, more beautiful future, there has to be an element of miracle involved. If we look at the situation from the conventional approach of cause and effect, and make predictions based on previous human behaviour, then the doomsdayers are probably correct. But what if by seeing through this old mindset, where miracles aren’t real, where humans operate on the basis of rational self-interest and change only happens through plain old cause and effect, it bakes in our demise?
What if seeing through different eyes unlocks unseen potential in humans? What if change can happen non-locally?
What if there’s more going on than meets the eye?
Afterall, nature itself is a miracle, as are we. Who would even think that a seed could turn into a tree? What could emerge if we just let go of our need to control and dominate?
How will change come about?
Change probably won’t come about through a violent revolution. The powers that be are too strong, and besides again that would be fuelled by the same energy which got us into this mess in the first place.
However, by realising just how messed up things are, people will start to pay more to their intuition that this isn’t how things are meant to end up. In the words of writer and philosopher Charles Eisenstein, it meant I sensed ‘a more beautiful world is possible’. First and foremost, the more blatantly messed up things become, the more obvious it is that the system of dominance isn’t working and the story it relies on becomes weaker.
As crisis inevitably begin touching each and everyone’s lives – as with the pandemic – people will begin to question whether there might be a better way to do life. And they’ll start changing up their own lives as the mainstream narratives like the glamorization of overwork, and deification of material wealth, begin to wear thin. Perhaps the only way for a better way of living with each other and with nature is by completely exhausting the current one.
It is up to us….
The only real chance we have, is through individuals waking up, doing their inner work and changing their way of life so it serves truth. We can’t wait around for politicians and corporations to save us. If we look at things from the old mindset of scarcity, where we’re just discreet, separate selves in a random universe, then there’s not much point in changing your way of life because what difference do I make, when the real change needs to come from the top?
It is exactly this thinking which will pave the way to our demise as a species. If we don’t do anything because ‘there’s no point’ then why would other people? All we have is how we spend our life, and the choices we make. Who knows what ripple effect could be possible when we choose to live in service of truth instead of scarcity.
What is truth?
We live in a world where the notion of ‘truth’ is looked upon with much scepticism. And in some ways, rightly so. I think it’s becoming clear that trying to have everyone believe in one doctrine, one version of the world whether it be Christianity or Islam, Atheism or paganism, isn’t going to work. Different cultures have their different ideas of truth, and that should be celebrated.
However, I would argue that most of these different ‘truths’ are human-made maps describing different parts of the same territory.
The pandemic has shown us how divided we are, and how ancient scapegoating patterns are still the primary mode of consciousness. In a time of global crisis, we need solidarity. We already have many solutions to the worlds problems, including regenerative agriculture, passive design, co-operative business models, universal basic income, gift-economies and renewable energy. But if we can’t decide what we’re serving as a humanity then there’s little chance that these solutions will be applied effectively.
Re-discovering who we are is needed to bring unity for change to happen
What I’m saying is not that we all need to subscribe to a new story – we’ve seen this fail countless times throughout history. We can keep our diversity, religions, and beliefs but we need to remember the Old Story – Who we are and where we’ve come from. Every religion in it’s purest sense has the same understanding that all creation is the physical manifestation of Consciousness aka God. Science which used to be seen as in contradiction to religion, is describing the same thing. Religion that sees God as a master puppeteer who has everything mapped out in advance need to question why they hold onto this anthropomorphic vision of God, and whether it’s serving them.
How we see God matters
Perhaps a more truthful way of seeing God aka Consciousness, is seeing Him/Her as more like an impromptu jazz band, made up of many unique parts which have no pre-determined tune, but which respond harmoniously to what it hears from others.
However, the music is not random, there are rules and patterns which guides the music towards unity. Rather than seeing God as separate, who already has things mapped out thus removing human responsibility, seeing ourselves as individual parts of ‘God’ gives us power and the responsibility to act. At the same time, it’s not all down to us, there are unseen forces guiding us in the right direction. In this way, bad things that happen haven’t necessarily been planned in advance, but we can still choose to learn from these experiences. Hence the saying ‘everything happens for a reason’ does have some truth to it.
However this understanding of God needs to be more than just intellectual, but accessed through the heart, which means living it out. The best way for this to happen, is within existing religions, communities and groups. For some, it might take on the form of the inner journey – of working on oneself, for others it might be more external – through permaculture, alternative lifestyles etc. For others it might be a combination of both. The key to the change taking root and causing big changes is being part of a community. In the 60’s there was a similar ‘waking up’ but it never took root. Perhaps this time round we have more chance of success because the system of dominance no longer holds the same ‘hope’ that it did 50 years ago.
How do I start living this change in my life now?
Even before I went on this journey of waking up to what’s happening in the world, I sensed that there was a better way to live than devoting my life to a demanding, unrewarding career. So I left it, in favour of work I find meaningful and allows me the time to enjoy life. I know this isn’t an option for everyone – I had the financial security of my husband’s salary, whilst not huge, was enough to allow me this flexibility.
Aside from big life changes, It’s been about learning about other ways of seeing, learning about the earth, ecology and its history – including indigenous history. It’s been about sorting myself out, becoming healthier and more balanced. I no longer lie awake at night, I don’t carry round constant anxiety like I used to. I now have time for yoga and a ladies running group! I am planning on becoming more ‘DIY’ and hopefully starting a vegetable garden and having solar panels in the future. Perhaps this is enough.
You don’t have to be extreme to be the change you want to see in the world
I used to think that you had to go and live on a homestead, live off-grid, write a bestselling informative book or join an intentional community – whilst these are right for some people, they’re not practical options for most of us.
But most of us have space in our lives to reorientate ourselves towards – even if it’s just cutting ourselves a bit of slack, being kinder to ourselves. We can make little choices like mending things instead of replacing, buying local produce, cutting down on meat, recycling, growing some veggies on our balcony, giving a bit each month to charity, cycling to the gym, trying to see the best in people, looking for opportunities to be of service in the local community, accepting the job at the ethical company over a higher paying corporate job, or being encouraging and listening to those doing it tough.
Will this really be enough in the face of centralised power?
I sense it will be. Once a large enough proportion of people stop subscribing to the story pedalled by the powers that be, their power dwindles and the foundation on which the whole tower is built begins to crumble. Undoubtedly they will dig their heels in, after all their wealth and power depends on maintaining the current system, which is based on the old story.
They’ll do this through trying to gain control over the masses through encouraging division and separation, through becoming more centralised and globalised. One of their tactics is using issues they created (not intentionally) like climate change and global pandemics, as a way of gaining more power and control. Think vaccine passports for public health and agricultural land grabs under the guise of ‘fighting climate change’. Of course, technology isn’t a bad thing if it’s used in the right ways. The problem is, the powers that be will pretend it’s for the ‘good’ of humanity when really it’s to help their own agenda. Here we must become good at discernment.
Disclaimer: I am not a ‘conspiracy theorist’. I don’t believe that the bad guys are an evil paedophile cabal. There is no one group of people we can point the finger at. Instead it’s the system which affects all levels of society, of which there are a number of gatekeepers in the form of multi-national corporations, tech giants and billionaires. The mainstream media and politics is also under their influence, which means we have to questions the mainstream narrative. That’s not to say they’re always false, but sometimes their narrative can be in service of maintaining the ‘Gatekeepers’ aka the ‘Establishment’.
Of course, we will see many genuine crisis as a result of our civilisations dominion over nature, colonialism etc. It would be reductionist to say they’ve been ‘created’ to help the powers that be gain more control. During this transition phase, we’ll have to guard ourselves against going into survival fight or flight mode, and guard ourselves from being subjugated further by the Establishment, even if that’s just on a psychological level.
We also need to guard ourselves from going into us vs them mode, even if by ‘them’ we mean the Establishment. Part of living the change is embodying a new way of seeing, in which we see the humanity in everyone, even our enemies.
Why is the way we see the world important anyway?
Unlike other species in nature, who’s behaviour is governed by biology, human behaviour is governed predominantly by myths/beliefs/stories, in the form of culture. On a personal level, I have witnessed how having different beliefs has affected the way I feel, which has affected my choices.
My sister often jokes that I’m fickle, that I change my mind quite a lot to which I agree. Since I rejected the mainstream cultural narrative after finding out it didn’t serve me – ie. Life is about career, earning money and also rejecting my religion (in the form I grew up with at least) I have had to look elsewhere to find meaning. Not many people stray too far from the mainstream, or the beliefs they inherited growing up because it’s painful. But for me, staying put was even more painful, as I could sense that something wasn’t right.
We need to adopt critical thinking
I have begun to see how intellectual knowledge can be construed in any which-way to support a claim – this isn’t to say we should stop trusting science per se, but to be discerning and to critically assess new information and beliefs.
When searching for truth, I have discovered that sometimes it’s best to ask myself, how is this serving me? If it genuinely feels better (not in a shallow hedonistic sense) and has a positive affect on my life then I can trust that this belief has some truth to it. If it makes me feel alienated, depressed and powerless, then we should question the belief.
And it’s for this reason that I choose to be a realist, since Reality is the realm of miracles, of unseen forces for good. This doesn’t mean denying the horror of what’s happening in our world, it’s just not letting it have the last word.
You’ll be pleased to know that I’m feeling a lot more positive about my life compared to a year ago, and more motivated than ever. I just had to go through this journey first. Thanks for taking the time to read about it. If you got to the end of this essay, then I take my hat off to you!
